Why Your Child Still Isn’t Sleeping (And What To Do At Every Age)

When we think about “sleep problems”, most of us picture tiny babies and exhausted parents pacing the hallway at 3am.

But at a recent online masterclass I ran for a school in Bath, the parents who joined had children ranging from 3 months right up to 14 years old.

Some were dealing with night feeds and frequent wakings.
Others had toddlers who turned bedtime into a full‑blown performance.
Many had school‑age children who took hours to fall asleep or were anxious at night.

It was a powerful reminder of something I see every day:

Children’s sleep problems don’t magically disappear after the baby stage – they simply change.

In this article, I’ll walk you through:

• Why children of all ages struggle with sleep

• What typical sleep challenges look like at different stages

• How to respond calmly and effectively, without “cry it out”

• When to seek extra support

Children’s Sleep Problems: It’s Not Just Babies

If your child is struggling with sleep, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one still battling bedtime. You’re not.

Sleep is a basic human need, but it’s also a skill that develops over time. As children grow, their brains, bodies and emotional worlds change – and sleep often wobbles along the way.

Common sleep challenges I see include:

• Babies who only sleep on a parent or wake frequently at night

• Toddlers who refuse bedtime, stall endlessly or keep getting out of bed

• School‑age children who lie awake for hours, worry at night or have nightmares

None of this means you’ve “failed” or that your child is “bad at sleep”. It simply means they need some support that’s appropriate for their age and stage.

Baby Sleep: Frequent Wakings and Learning To Settle

In the first year, most families come to me with some version of:

• “My baby wakes multiple times a night.”

• “They’ll only sleep on me or with a feed.”

• “Naps are short and unpredictable.”

This is incredibly common, and in the early months, it’s also very normal. But there are gentle ways to make things easier.

Key foundations for better baby sleep:

• Rhythm, not rigid schedules
  A loose pattern to the day (feed, play, sleep) helps your baby’s body clock, without forcing strict timings.

• A simple, predictable bedtime routine
  Bath or wash, dim lights, pyjamas, feed, cuddle, song or story. The repetition signals “sleep time” to your baby’s brain.

• Gradual support, not sudden withdrawal
  You don’t have to choose between “all the rocking” and “cry it out”. You can slowly reduce how much help you give, while staying responsive and reassuring.

The goal at this stage is not perfection. It’s helping your baby feel safe and slowly building their ability to settle and resettle with less input from you.

Toddler Sleep: Bedtime Battles and Boundary‑Testing

Once toddlers are on the move – and especially when they transition to a big bed – sleep can suddenly feel harder again.

Typical toddler sleep problems include:

• Refusing to go to bed

• Asking for “one more story” or “one more drink”

• Getting out of bed repeatedly

• Meltdowns when you say it’s time to sleep

This isn’t your toddler being “naughty”. It’s a mix of:

• Big feelings and growing independence

• Curiosity and fear of missing out

• Testing where the boundaries really are

What helps at this stage:

• Clear, consistent boundaries
  Decide what bedtime looks like (how many stories, where you’ll sit, what happens if they get up) and stick to it calmly.

• Connection before correction
  Build in 10–15 minutes of one‑to‑one connection before the bedtime routine – play, chat, cuddles – so they feel topped up with you.

• Predictable routine and same response
  Same steps, same order, same response if they get up. Consistency is what makes them feel safe enough to stop pushing.

You can be warm, loving and firm at the same time. Toddlers actually feel more secure when they know where the limits are.

School‑Age Sleep: Worries, Overstimulation and Long Settle Times

By the time children are at school, sleep challenges look different again. Parents often tell me:

• “It takes them two or three hours to fall asleep.”

• “They’re scared at night or have lots of nightmares.”

• “They want later bedtimes and fight going to bed.”

At this age, sleep is influenced by:

• Worries and anxiety– about school, friendships, performance

• Screens and stimulation– games, TV, social media

• Busy schedules– clubs, homework, late evenings

Supporting school‑age sleep often involves:

• Talking about sleep
  Explain, in simple terms, how sleep helps their brain, mood and body. Older children are more likely to cooperate when they understand why it matters.

• Creating a wind‑down routine
  At least 30–60 minutes of calmer, screen‑free time before bed: reading, drawing, puzzles, chatting.

• Making space for worries
  A quick “worry chat” earlier in the evening, or a “worry notebook”, can stop anxieties spilling out at bedtime.

• Holding a consistent bedtime
  Even when they ask to stay up later, a regular bedtime and wake time keeps their body clock steady.

What Your Child Really Needs From You At Night

Across all ages, there’s one thing children need when sleep is hard:

A calm, consistent response.

That doesn’t mean:

• Sleeping in their bed every night

• Dropping all boundaries

• Ignoring your own need for rest

It does mean:

• Being their safe base – someone they can come to (or who will come to them) when they’re struggling

• Responding in a way that’s predictable: same words, same actions, same boundaries

• Showing them that sleep is safe, and that you’re there to help them learn it as a skill

When children feel safe and know what to expect, it becomes much easier for their bodies and brains to let go and drift off.

When To Ask For Help With Your Child’s Sleep

You don’t need to wait until you’re completely burnt out to seek support.

It might be time to get help if:

• You dread bedtime every night

• Sleep problems are affecting your child’s mood, behaviour or learning

• You and your partner never get an evening together

• You feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing sticks

I work with families using gentle, evidence‑based strategies tailored to your child’s age, temperament and your parenting style. There’s no one‑size‑fits‑all plan – we create something that works for your family.

If you’d like support with your baby’s, toddler’s or older child’s sleep, start by sharing their age and what you’re finding hardest right now. From there, we can figure out what’s going on and how to help you all get more rest.